


...Smile the Brightest

by rainforestgeek



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Depression, F/M, Gabriel Agreste's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, discussed but not shown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainforestgeek/pseuds/rainforestgeek
Summary: The saddest people…It’s that friend you never thought you’d have to worry about. The one with the infectious laugh. The one you don’t know is hiding the most pain.Marinette realizes she should have been watching closer.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug's Parents, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Comments: 43
Kudos: 336





	...Smile the Brightest

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Better Version Of Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18917617) by [Lara Winner (rah10381)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rah10381/pseuds/Lara%20Winner). 



Marinette was struggling to keep her eyes open. Hawk Moth had decided three AM was an excellent time to release an akuma. The fight was over by three-twenty, but the adrenaline and nerves and general anxiety kept her awake much longer. She woke up frustrated and dead on her feet.

She was late for school and kept tripping over low walls and her own feet and fire hydrants she didn’t see because of her falling eyelids. It all culminated when she miscalculated where she walked and slammed her shoulder into the locker room door. She heard a stifled gasp. Marinette froze on instinct, listening. There was a moment of silence followed by a sudden series of hard, shuddering gasps.

Somebody was crying, and holed up in the locker room to hide it. Cautiously, Marinette turned the corner.

“Oh my god, Adrien!” She rushed to his side, knelt where he was curled up against the lockers with his face buried in his knees, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

He didn’t reply, just cried harder. Heart in her stomach, Marinette wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Adrien tucked his head into her neck and gripped her tight. His body shook against hers. Hot tears spilled onto her skin.

Marinette had no idea how long they sat there on the cold ground as Adrien sobbed. It hurt to see him like this. But the only thing she could do was stay and stroke his hair, letting him cry himself out.

Once the tears petered out and his breathing became even, Adrien’s hold on her loosened. His form went slack. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

Marinette looked down at him in shock. “Sorry? Don’t be silly - not, not that you’re silly! I mean - you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m here for you when you need me.”

Adrien closed his eyes. “Thank you, Marinette.”

A few minutes passed with neither of them moving. Finally she asked, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It made you cry.”

“I’m just tired.” Adrien pulled away and gave her a wan smile. “I didn’t sleep much last night and I just got set off easily today.”

He stood and pulled her to her feet, too. Marinette fiddled with her backpack strap. “Adrien...you don’t have to tell me. But if you ever want to or just need someone to listen - ”

The school bell interrupted her. _Did we just miss all of homeroom?_

Adrien surprised her with a quick hug. “I appreciate it, Marinette. Really.” Students filed in to get their books for their next class and Adrien released her and walked away, leaving Marinette frozen in her hailstorm of emotions.

“ _Girl._ ” Alya jolted her to her senses. “Did I just see Adrien hugging you? _Did you and Adrien skip class together?_ Oh my gosh, tell me everything, spare no details.”

 _Oh, shoot._ Alya thought she’d walked in on a … romantic overture. “No, no, it wasn’t like that. I was late and Adrien was already here…” she trailed off. It wasn’t her place to tell anyone Adrien had been upset. He obviously wanted to keep that on the down low, and he’d never trust her if she blabbed about walking in on him in _tears_ , even if it was just her best friend, who was his best friend’s girlfriend, so Nino would probably find - 

“Then what was it?”

“I shouldn’t say. It’s kind of private.”

Alya’s face fell for a moment. It wasn’t in her nature to just let things go, especially stuff involving her friends. Then she shrugged and grinned. “I get it. I’m happy you guys are getting closer, at least.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“I’ve got notes from Ms. Bustier’s class this morning you can use. Did you hear about the akuma last night? I slept through the whole thing, I’m so bummed…”

It was hard not to get excited when Alya was excited; her enthusiasm was infectious. Marinette loved having her as her best friend.

Marinette’s phone went off at eight that evening. It was a text from Adrien.

 **Adrien:** _Thank you for staying with me this morning._

 **Adrien:** _Is your offer to talk still on the table?_

 **Marinette:** _Of course._

He didn’t respond for a while. The text bubble appeared and disappeared several times. Marinette bit her tongue anxiously.

 **Adrien:** _It’s stupid. As I was leaving the house this morning I heard my father yelling in his office. I think he was on the phone or something. Usually I can just ignore it and I thought I did but then Chloe yelled my name this morning and I just kind of lost it._

 **Marinette:** _This happens a lot?_

 **Adrien:** _No, I normally have better control of myself._

 **Marinette:** _No no I meant the yelling._

 **Adrien:** _Sometimes I guess. Not like all the time but enough that it shouldn’t catch me off guard like that._

 **Marinette:** _It’s not stupid at all! Hearing your dad like that must feel awful._

Another five minutes passed before he responded. It only took two for Marinette to start spiraling.

“Oh my god, Tikki, did I say something wrong?”

Tikki looked at the phone. “Doesn’t look like it to me.”

“What if I accidentally offended him? What if he thinks I’m a bad friend and he never talks to me again?”

Her phone chimed.

 **Adrien:** _It does._

 **Adrien:** _It really does._

The next day Marinette met her friends to find them all cheery as ever. Adrien was laughing with Nino and Alya, looking like nothing could ever get under his skin.

He gave her a one-armed hug in greeting and her entire being immediately lit on fire. Alya smirked at her knowingly.

She kept one eye on Adrien for the rest of the school day. She noticed he seemed a little subdued when he had to go home for lunch but otherwise he seemed fine. Good, eve. He laughed, he bantered with his classmates, he helped Rose study for their physics exam, he listened to a new mixtape Nino had made.

Maybe his bout of crying _had_ been a one-time thing after all. Maybe she shouldn’t be worried.

He texted her again later that night.

 **Adrien:** _Can I ask you something?_

 **Marinette:** _Yeah go ahead, anything_

 **Adrien:** _How often do your parents eat dinner with you?_

Marinette blanched at the question. Where did that come from?

 **Marinette:** _It kinda depends on how busy they are with the bakery_.

 **Marinette:** _Like a lot of days, tonight was just me and my mom. But I get both my mom and dad a few times a week._

 **Adrien:** _I wish I had that. I’m lucky if I see my father two days in a row._

 **Marinette:** _Well, I’m sure my parents would love to have you over sometime if you’re eating alone._

 **Adrien:** _I don’t want to intrude_

 **Marinette:** _I’d have to ask them first, but I don’t see them saying no._

 **Adrien:** _I doubt he’ll let me go out. But we’ll see._

 **Adrien:** _You’re an awesome friend, you know?_

 **Marinette:** _That means a lot coming from you._

A couple things changed from then on.

First was a slight shift in Adrien’s behavior at school. He made a habit of touching her in a dozen small ways every day. A hand squeeze. A friendly side hug. A brush of fingers when he handed her a pen. Sitting next to her with their thighs lightly pressed together. Bumping her shoulder when he made a silly joke. The contact flustered her at first, but with each day that passed she drew more comfort from his touches. Adrien was only touchy-feely with his friends. Marinette hoped this meant he trusted her.

Second, Adrien texted her every night without fail. Sometimes he just sent her a fashion-related meme that made her giggle and said goodnight. Usually they talked about their days, teachers and homework, Marinette’s projects and Adrien’s extra lessons. After some coaxing, he sent her a recording of an original piano piece he was composing. It was a little rough but the melody brimmed with emotion and it brought tears to her eyes. She saved the audio file and told him it sounded beautiful.

 **Marinette:** _I’d love to hear the later versions as you work on it_

 **Adrien:** _Absolutely! I send you another recording once it’s finished._

 **Marinette:** _Would you be willing to play it for me in person?_

 **Adrien:** _:) we’ll see_

The more they talked, the more convinced Marinette became that Adrien wore happiness like a mask. She caught glimpses of sadness in his texts; she gathered he wasn’t happy at home. It wasn’t surprising. Whenever Adrien talked about his dad it was about his absence, or that he made all of Adrien’s decisions for him.

One late night he really opened up to her.

 **Adrien:** _I think I might hate him_

 **Marinette:** _Your dad?_

 **Adrien:** _Awful, right?_

 **Marinette:** _Definitely_

 **Adrien:** _Yeah. I feel like such a shitty son. I shouldn’t hate my own father._

 **Marinette:** _Wait no no no no no!_

 **Marinette:** _I didn’t mean YOU were awful!_

 **Marinette:** _You’re wonderful Adrien it’s just that you hate him is awful_

 **Marinette:** _Ugh_

 **Marinette:** _I meant the SITUATION is awful. I thought that’s what you meant. It sucks that you’re in this position._

 **Adrien:** _You’re right. It sucks._

 **Marinette:** _What brought this on now?_

 **Adrien:** _Maybe hate isn’t the right word. More like resent. I’ve had to fight tooth and nail for every ounce of freedom he’s given me. I have to make an appointment with his assistant just to talk to him._

 **Adrien:** _Yet he controls every second of my day and I never even see him_

 **Marinette:** _Is that why you snuck out to see your mom’s film last year?_

 **Adrien:** _Yeah. We ended up watching it together at home. I remember he said I should’ve trusted him._

 **Adrien:** _He’d told me to schedule a meeting time with Nathalie. He couldn’t stop working for five minutes to hear me out_

 **Adrien:** _It was just “not now, go practice your piano, Adrien”_

 **Adrien:** _How exactly does that give me the opportunity to trust him?_

 **Marinette:** _It doesn’t._

 **Adrien:** _I want to. My mother’s gone. He’s my only family._

Marinette typed a response. Then deleted it. Started a different response and backspaced halfway through the message. She wanted to make him feel better. She wanted to throw a Lucky Charm in the air and magically fix everything wrong in his life. A memory perked up, something her dad had told her.

He’d said, “You can’t fix all your loved ones problems. Sometimes the most important thing is to affirm that the situation is bad and let them know they’re not alone.”

 **Marinette:** _I’m so sorry, Adrien. That must be really hard._

 **Adrien:** _I’m sorry for unloading all that on you._

 **Marinette:** _No_

 **Marinette:** _Thank you for trusting me._

On Friday morning, the bell rang, signalling all the students to move on to their next class. Alya turned to Marinette as they got up and packed their school supplies. “Hey M, wanna do a sleepover tonight?”

“Oh I’d _love_ to!” Marinette replied happily. God knows she could use a break with her best friend. “Your place?”

“Actually, can I come over to yours this time? I could use a night away from home.”

“Something wrong?”

Alya chuckled as they walked into the crowded school corridor. “Nah, just too many sisters. It gets crowded and noisy and girl, I cannot watch the Ladybug cartoon _again._ ”

Marinette giggled. “Because of you, I savor being an only child. Let me call my mom and dad, I’ll leave them a message.”

Truth be told, Marinette could use the distraction. Adrien’s dual personality made her worried sick. He acted like the same Adrien he always had, though they’d become closer now. He was helpful, and quiet, and funny, and bright...a ray of sunshine that made her feel warm whenever he was near. At night when she struggled with the homework he called and talked her through the assignment. He texted her screenshots of animal memes all the time. (Her favorite was a picture of a squirrel that looked like it was water-bending. The one of a Labrador holding a glove by the middle finger had made her spit out her water in shock.)

But some nights...some nights, everything he kept dammed up inside him trickled through the cracks. He couldn’t even admit he was annoyed without two apologies and a self-flagellating monologue.

She felt like a bad friend. But Marinette needed a night of complication-free friendship.

After school Alya went home to pack an overnight bag then came straight back to the bakery, looking ready to chill for hours. But Friday or not Friday, Marinette insisted they get as much homework done as they could before dinner. Alya complained that they had the whole weekend and she felt exhausted but Marinette knew if she didn’t start now then she wouldn’t start until Sunday night and she refused to get grounded again and besides, what if Hawk Moth chose that exact moment to set an akuma loose on the city?

Predictably, when Tom called them down for dinner Alya leapt out of her chair and vanished through the trapdoor before he could finish speaking.

Despite what she’d said earlier that day, Marinette sometimes wished she had a sister or a brother. She loved her parents, but the dinner table always felt a little fuller and livelier with a friend there, too. For a moment, she felt a pang of sadness when she saw her mom kiss the crown of Alya’s head before sitting down; it made her think how much Adrien probably needed that.

(She still thanked God there were no screaming babies or toddlers waking her up in the middle of the night.)

The girls did the dishes since Tom and Sabine had cooked - not to mention worked in the bakery all day - and spent as much time scrubbing as flicking soap bubbles at each other.

Out of the blue, Alya asked, “Marinette, have you ever played poker?”

“Umm...no?”

“Wanna learn?”

“Girls.” Sabine chose that moment to walk into the kitchen with her tea. “I’d advise against it. Gambling can be very addictive, I don’t want you to get in the habit of betting away your money,” Sabine admonished. “Marinette, you’re allowance is for you to practice managing your finances.”

“I mean, we can play without putting precious euros on the line.” Alya’s eyes lit up. “Hey Mme. D-C, how many leftover pastries does the bakery have today?”

Alya was a _genius._ She dealt the cards while Marinette divided up the sweets into their pseudo-currency. Marinette couldn’t shuffle for the life of her; the one time she tried it turned into a game of 52 pick-up. But her eye for strategy translated into cards as well as video games. After she won four hands in a row Alya pouted at her about beginner’s luck and “I’ll beat you so hard when you’re not new anymore,” making them both laugh.

Saturday morning, Marinette woke up to find herself as Alya’s new teddy bear. The blatant, subconscious affection warmed Marinette’s heart. Alya’d gotten more cuddly the last few sleepovers. She assumed it was because the weather was cooling with winter was drawing near.

She batted her hand around until it found her phone to check the time. Two messages glowed from her lock screen, from 9:15 and 9:26 last night.

 **Adrien:** _Hey, are you awake?_

 **Adrien:** _Sorry, you’re probably sleeping, I hope I’m not bothering you._

Marinette squeaked, then slapped her hand over her mouth. Alya thankfully didn’t stir. She unlocked the phone and started typing.

 **Marinette:** _God, I’m so sorry Adrien! Alya slept over last night and I just wasn’t paying attention to my phone - I promise I’m not ignoring you!_

 **Adrien:** _No worries, it’s cool. Did you have fun?_

 **Marinette:** _We stayed up too late watching old movies and playing blackjack. Right now she’s still asleep and has me in a death grip._

 **Marinette:** _Did your evening go okay?_

 **Adrien:** _It was fine. Not as exciting as yours :)_

Did a smiley face emoticon mean he was actually smiling? Or was it just a simpler smile to hide behind over the phone? God, she’d do anything to make Adrien smile.

Days passed. A week passed.

Nino and Marinette managed to snag Adrien on one of his evenings off. According to him, convincing his father to let him go to dinner with friends had been like pulling teeth, even though they never ate together anyway. But in the end he’d relented, so Adrien spent the evening being smothered by Marinette’s parents while Marinette watched with a red face and Nino sang praises to Tom Dupain-Cheng’s cooking. She’d rarely seen him so animated before. Something in Adrien just came alive. He shamelessly entertained Tom with horrible, horrible puns (that left Nino, Marinette and Sabine groaning into their food). He talked to Sabine in Mandarin while she gently corrected his pronunciation. He even loosened up enough for Nino to shoot a grape into his mouth, though Nino was quickly admonished for encouraging childish behavior at the table that should really be reserved for the kitchen.

The only thing that could have made that night more perfect was if Alya could’ve joined them, but she’d been home sick with the flu.

Two weeks passed.

Marinette wasn’t sleeping well. She had nights like that, when no matter what she did she just wouldn’t drift off. Adrien hadn’t responded to her texts, so she hoped he was just asleep. She was passing the time bundled up in a warm coat and blanket on her terrace, knitting a new sweater for her mom.

She startled at the movement in her peripheral vision. A certain leather-clad superhero was perched on her railing, tail swishing agitatedly. He leapt to the floor and landed on his feet.

“Chat Noir? What are you doing here?”

“I...I…” he swallowed. “Alya Cesaire’s your best friend, right? The ladyblogger?”

That was incredibly low on the list of things Marinette expected him to say. “Yeah.”

“I saw her jump off her apartment building tonight. I caught her and took her to the hospital, but she has some bruises and a broken rib.”

They stared at each other in silence. Moments stretched into minutes.

“She jumped?” The words were hardly a whisper.

Chat nodded.

“She tried to...to kill herself? No. No no no nonononono…”

Marinette yanked at her pigtails. She wasn’t looking at Chat Noir anymore but she did hear his soft voice. “If I weren’t there...I wouldn’t believe it either.”

“ _W_ _hy?_ Why would Alya…” Chat seemed to understand what she needed. He held her tightly to his chest, arms around her waist and back while she muttered and stared at nothing in shock.

It would not surprise her if they’d stood like that for hours, smushed together and silent, while Marinette slowly came to terms with what she’d heard. It didn’t make sense. But this was _Chat Noir._ Her partner whom she trusted implicitly. He would never lie to her, he would never just make this up.

“You’re _sure_ she didn’t just fall? She definitely jumped?” Her voice cut through the silence like a dagger.

“She jumped.”

But Alya would never do this. She was too…

...happy.

Alya was too happy.

The realization hit her like a bullet train. Whatever was going on, she’d been hiding it from the world this whole time. 

For the first time Marinette sobbed. She pounded her fists on Chat Noir’s chest. “I’m her best friend! How did I not know? She should’ve told me she felt so bad, she - I can’t believe - I’ve been so blind, why didn’t I notice anything? Why didn’t I NOTICE anything? She needed me!”

They sank to the wooden floor of her terrace while she cried. 

And cried more. She cried so hard at some point she started screaming. Her parents, well-attuned to their daughter’s distress, burst through the trap door.

“What’s happened? What’s going on? Marinette, oh dear, what’s wrong?”

Chat Noir gently transferred Marinette to her mother. “It’s delicate, Mssr. and Mme. Dupain-Cheng. I caught a jumper while I was on patrol tonight, and, um. It was Marinette’s friend, Alya. She’s alive and in the hospital.”

Marinette heard Sabine gasp.

“I apologize for dropping this on her so late at night. I should’ve waited.”

When he let out a surprised mew, Marinette peeked over her mom’s shoulder. Tom had scooped up Chat Noir in a hug. “You saved my little girl’s best friend. Thank you, Chat Noir.”

Chat Noir looked miserable. Marinette tried to imagine being in his shoes, if she were out patrolling as Ladybug and spotted someone - a teenager her age, no less - try to jump to their death. She wouldn’t want to hear thanks after catching that person, either.

Nino did not take the news well.

Mme. Cesaire had called him and told him Alya was hospitalized. The next morning, at school, he was in a right state, frantic that his girlfriend’s mom sounded so upset and so cagey on the phone and no one was telling him _anything._

Marinette bore the burden of sitting him down and explaining, along with Adrien. It was a tough choice: she wanted to respect Alya’s privacy, but Alya keeping to herself is what got them there in the first place. Nino was her friend, too. She couldn’t leave him in the dark and let the not knowing drive him mad.

Maybe not knowing would have been better.

Nino buried his face in his hands. “I should’ve known, I should’ve known, I should’ve known…”

Marinette and Adrien patted his back. “None of us saw it coming, bud," he said. "She hid it really well.”

“That’s just it though! I _knew_ something was wrong. And you know what I did? Nothing. Jack lotta good I’ve done as her boyfriend.”

“Nino, please don’t blame yourself,” Marinette pleaded.

“Marinette, she’s been, like, pulling away from me. I thought she was getting ready to dump me, but I got too scared and selfish to see she needed - ”

Marinette grabbed his cheeks and forced him to look at her. “It’s. Not. Your. Fault.”

Nino shook her off and walked away. “I need some air.”

Marinette looked at Adrien desperately. “He shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“Honestly, some space might help.” Adrien leaned forward on the bench, elbows on his knees and fingers knitted together. “It’ll give him time to process things.”

“No, Adrien, Nino is a prime akuma target right now. That is the _last_ thing he needs today.”

“Oh. Oh shit. Yeah, I’ll go keep an eye on him.”

After school, once he’d made sure Nino wouldn’t blow his lid if he left him alone, Adrien went with Marinette to the hospital. The front desk accepted that they were family without pause; it made Marinette antsy about the security around here.

She turned to Adrien. “Why isn’t Nino coming too?”

“He’s still really upset,” Adrien said. His eyes were sad and kind of hard. “He needs to process and get his head on straight before he tries to talk to her.”

She didn’t reply, just kept walking.

Nora stood outside Alya’s hospital room like a bouncer. “Nope.”

“If she’s awake, it might help her to see a friend.”

“Alya’s extremely sick right now, pigtails. She’s probably asleep anyways.”

Marinette stood her ground. “I know why she’s here, Anansi.”

Nora snorted. “In a hospital? Gee, I wonder.”

“No. I know what happened. I know what she tried to do.”

Nora’s eyes narrowed in obvious fury. She looked between Adrien and Marinette. “Who told you? Did that mangy Mr. Whiskers go blabbing about my little sister?”

“No! No, Chat Noir isn’t like that. I’m the only one he told - last night when he landed on my terrace. Plus, this is the psych ward. What did you think I was going to think?”

Adrien backed her up. “No one should be isolated when they’re feeling like this.”

“Be honest, you two. Did you have any, even a minuscule suspicion, that Alya was depressed?”

Shame-faced, they both shook their heads no. Molten coal burned in Marinette’s stomach and her face.

“Then what do you possibly think you could do to help? Please, just leave.”

“But Marinette is - ”

“Adrien, let’s just go.” Marinette gently tugged him away and down the hall. She whipped out her phone and sent him a text.

 **Marinette:** _Could you cause a distraction so I can get inside?_

Their eyes met. He nodded slightly. He went back while Marinette kept going and turned a corner.

She didn’t know what he did, exactly, or at all. Marinette heard a squeak, some yelling, the pounding of running footsteps, then more people running. Nora appeared, being dragged by two security guards toward the exit. Her face was maroon with fury.

Marinette jogged back to the hospital room door. “What did you do?”

“She was already on edge. It didn’t take much to get her to make a racket.” He shrugged. “I’m not proud of it.”

Marinette reached for the handle. She didn’t turn it. Her fingers hardened into marble around the metal.

A warm hand covered hers ( _completely_ covered - his hands were so big!) and Adrien helped her turn the handle and push open the door. She looked at him to find their faces inches apart.

“Good luck,” he breathed. Marinette’s heart ached. She tore her eyes away from his and went inside.

Alya looked like hell. She was buried under a pile of white blankets, lying in a white bed, wearing a white hospital gown. The only color was the red in her hair. Her glasses were gone.

“What are you doing here, Marinette?”

Marinette paused. “I’m not sure. I want to help?” Alya snorted. The sound was sharp, derisive, mean, alien coming from her throat. “I _know_ I can’t. So I guess I want to ask why. Why did you do it? How long - ”

“A long time. But I - I didn’t plan it, not really! It’s not like I got up and decided ‘ _Today_ is the day I’m going to off myself.’ Something about last night - I ran out of options, I couldn’t _take_ it anymore.”

Marinette had no idea what to say. She felt so out of her depth. Alya was experiencing something she couldn’t ever imagine, and that was the understatement of the century.

Alya decided to keep talking, her voice a little quieter now. “I couldn’t sleep so I went out for a walk. I’ve wanted to die so many times, I can’t even count. Usually,” Alya took a shuddering breath, “usually I just ride it out and the wanting kind of passes and I can tolerate it all again. But for some reason I followed through this time.

“I’ve felt like I’m going crazy, Marinette. I can’t make sense of it.”

Marinette peppered Alya’s forehead with kisses. “Of course it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t have to make sense. I love you.”

Alya scooted to her right and patted the bed. Marinette climbed in next to her. Alya took a deep breath then started talking.

“It’s like I’m empty. I feel like everything’s been drained out of me and there’s nothing but a vacuum left inside. And it hurts. Did you know feeling nothing hurts? Everything’s numb but it’s horrible pain like getting slowly crushed under a giant rock.

“In a way I already feel dead. Like I’m a body pretending to be the person I was, just going through the motions. I need it to end, Marinette. I’m so sick of just feeling nothing. The worst part is after finally talking about all of this, I don’t feel any better.”

Marinette held Alya close. “We’ll get you help. This feeling can’t last forever, and we can get you help. Just please, please be patient. And for now I’m just...I’m here. I hear you.”

She’d planned to stay as Alya fell asleep, but Marinette ended up drifting off. When she stirred, her best friend was still breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> Mental illness doesn't care who you are, where you're from, or what you've been through. Sometimes there's an obvious cause. Sometimes it just strikes out of nowhere.
> 
> I did my best to hint at and set up Alya's suicide attempt without blatantly foreshadowing it (which would have defeated the point of the fic). There are moments throughout where she's either deflecting concern off of herself or trying desperately to cope.


End file.
